So I have now completed the first part of my mindfulness teacher training, and I have a worryingly shiny looking certificate to prove it. I still have to complete my case study and assessment, but the hands-on training is over.
Gosh. What a scary and exciting prospect that is! I have just spent an intensive and exhausting week in the company of fellow trainees, learning more than my brain and body can really take in. It was taught experientially, so in some ways it was like a week long retreat. And that posed several challenges for me. One was physical. The stress of travelling and being in unfamiliar surroundings set off a huge fibromyalgia flare, which is challenging at the best of times. When you add to that the amount of time spent sitting in formal practice, by day 4 I was in agony. Day 4 was of course a series of silent guided meditations reinforcing our practice. By the third session of tuning in to what my senses were telling me and settling my mind, my senses were screaming EVERYTHING BLOODY HURTS I ALREADY TOLD YOU THIS WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING??? So when it came to the mindful movement exercises, the yoga stretches and the outdoors mindful walking, I was so relieved I got very emotional and had a little cry. The other challenge came from my fellow trainees. I am a bit of an empath and I pick up on emotions and energy in the room coming from other people. And there were a LOT of emotions in the room. Some were easy to handle: curiosity, nervousness, fear, openness. Some were incredibly challenging: anger, grief, frustration, resistance. I have no idea why I expected a room full of potential mindfulness teachers to be an oasis of happy, calm, loving people. Why would it be? We are all human. We all find situations where we are out of our comfort zone challenging. Just because *I* find mindfulness immensely therapeutic and empowering doesn't mean *they* do, or that they did on that particular day. Some had expectations of the teaching that were barriers to them. Some were coming at it from a different therapeutic background - adding to their professional training as counsellors, hypnotherapists, NLP trainers, coaches, mental health workers and so on. For them it was part of a professional journey and not necessarily coming from a place of personal practice. I struggled, really struggled, with the idea of some of those people teaching mindfulness. But then *I* really struggled to LEARN mindfulness. I tried at least 5 times, and it didn't come easily to me. It still doesn't. And everyone takes their own path to mindfulness, and every teacher is unique. Whilst I might find being taught by some of my fellow trainees challenging, other people might welcome their approach. And I am sure a lot of people will struggle with the way *I* will teach it, because it will be based on my own practice and personality, and quite simply they might not connect to that. I learned just as much from my fellow trainees as I did from the teachers. Ideas that I will shamelessly steal from the ones who felt and thought like me. Ideas on how to deal with and teach people who *don't* feel and think like me. Ideas on things and practices I personally will never, ever use even if they are theoretically part of the curriculum. Ideas that I will definitely use, and adapt, and probably overuse because they spoke powerfully to me. Things that were missing for me, things that were overemphasised, things that were easy, things that were challenges. The biggest challenge for me actually wasn't the mindfulness teaching per se, it was the session on how to market ourselves and what prices to charge for our services. This came really easily to people who were already self employed and had some kind of therapeutic or coaching experience. It was *completely* alien to me. I still have no idea what my teaching is really 'worth', but time will tell. We are all human and different, and thank heavens for that. If everyone taught and felt and thought the same we would be robots that would be obsolete in no time. I am glad to be home and in my own bed, though, and I don't care if that is a value judgement. My bed *is* better and nicer than hotel beds! :)
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AuthorI came to mindfulness through trying to find a way to be sane and compassionate in an insane and harsh world. Archives
October 2017
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